Vagabond At Heart

Dear Blog,

I am off to Bangkok for 5 days. It’s a female only trip like last year. And of course, main agenda is shopping, shopping and more shopping. Unlike last year, I am actually looking forward more to the food, massages and a few days of detachment from routine life here. I am bringing my camera along too for some picture taking. I am also hoping to curb my spending by bringing only half of the budget that I lavishedly spent last year.

More updates when I am back.

Today, on my way back from client’s place, I suddenly realised that the reason why I feel so tired is because I am constantly doing prospecting. It also comes with the realisation that prospecting should not be my full time job. It should be in built into my system until it is almost like breathing. No need for extra strength or effort to do it. It should functioning efficiently in the background on its own. Prospecting should also be delegated to clients though referrals. And I should be focusing on servicing my clients which will make my job so much enjoyable. My time should be spending adding value to clients. And this is wat Hac has been trying to tell me all this while. 

Simple observations and thoughts from the minds of children. Straight forward and without pretenses.

http://www.stevedebrun.com/inspiration/thoughts/loveis.html

Love to me….

it’s being wilful to the person just so that u can basked in the warm of his attention.
it’s acting like a spoilt brat in front of the person to see how far he can give in to you.
it’s being comfortable showing your worse side to the person and still know that you are loved.
it’s when you can scream your head off at each other and then realised how ridiculous you both sound and just laughing your head off together.
it’s when you both have strong ideas about issues but still try to work out a compromise with each other in mind.
it’s when you don’t mind working your ass off just so that the person can have a better life.

requires understanding..communications..sacrifices..caring..kindness & humor.
Fun and laughters.
Tears and fights.
Angry and forgiveness.
patiences and tolerances.
it’s when you journey through good and bad moments and can still hang in there together.

I love you.

posted @ 1:56 AM

This article strikes a chord.

http://www.nytimes.com/library/financial/investing/060400invest-contrary.html”>Americans Aren’t in the Market for Freedom</a>By Daniel Akst

“http://www.stevedebrun.com/inspiration/thoughts/askt.html”>

mirror site in case NYT site is down

http://www.nytimes.com/library/financial/investing/060400invest-contrary.html”>http://www.nytimes.com/library/financial/investing/060400invest-contrary.html

This trip is a first in many ways. It is my first solo trip alone. My first professional overseas Convention. First trip to USA. First long haul of 20 hrs on plane. First time meeting people from foreign places like Tobago and Jamaica. And alot more.

It’s also a time for self reflection, an opportunity to explore my boundaries, a chance to rediscover myself and define who I am all over again. And of course, a time to expand horizons and meet new people.

Somewhere along the way, I think I found myself again. The person who can laugh at herself and get into funny situations. The person who is full of life and curiousity, the person who can be independent and who do not stifle herself to try and fit in, the person who holds strong personal beliefs and does not allow others to define who she is. (My “I don’t care attitude is back. Cos there are really lots of things that I don’t give a damn again. Well, that’s me.)

The person who can confidently engage smiling strangers into easy conversations. The person who can look at past hurts and appreciate the good in them. The person who believes in equality in races and religions. People are just people.

More importantly, the person is carefree and live each day with joy.

Welcome back again.

Sometimes, being alone is the best way to find yourself again.

Snapshots of my experiences and memories.

Reflections from my San Diego trip in June 2006

I have been wanting to write about my trip.

To recapture the thread of my thoughts that have been flowing non-stop throughout my trip.

Self reflections, self realisation, the joy of my carefree soul wandering to my heart’s desires, my quirks of self humour laughing at funny moments, quiet moments of contentment just watching the world go by or enjoying the joy of nature like seagulls gliding by, little sparrows hopping on window edge, toddlers taking their little baby steps, mothers with their look of contentment watching their kids playing.

Enjoying the warm of a cup of coffee in a quaint little cafe, enjoying the gentle buzz of conversations around me, unshamelessly eavsdropping on them and sniffing aroma of glorious food. Total Contentment.

Or just plain sitting there barefoot on the grass staring into the far horizon of the sea without a cease of worry. Pure bliss.

Enjoying a simple picnic with my book, lying lazily on my back with the grass as my bedspread and gradually dozing off. Simple joy for a city girl.

No one to meet, no reason to hurry. Just me and my thoughts with the sky and ocean for companions, a scattering of people engulfed in their own world nearby for my entertainment. A ship sailing past brought a mild tinge of excitement.

Glazing into the horizon brought dreams to mind. New and forgotten dreams mingled. A feeling of peacefulness and happiness transcinded.

Strangers bring new perspectives. Some provided easy conversations and shared many moments of laughter with me. Snippets of our life were shared easily with the reassurance that our pathes were unlikely to cross again. When did we learn to find comfort from the cover of anonymous-ness and hide our true self from the people we know? Is that the price of avoiding conflicts? Yet, some offered me kindness and help. I learned to appreciate kindness from strangers and to offer them back to others in need. Yet, others provided insights just with their presences, the feelings that they transmitted across with their existence, rather than actual contact.

It is from all these strangers that I learn the most.

There were lessons everywhere, lurking in every corner, waiting for me to notice them and learn whatever I could.

Yet, not all lessons were kind. There were dangers lurking by, unpleasant reality assassinating you with their harshness.

Good or bad, harsh or gentle, they were lessons learned and stored in the folds of my memories, untold but felt. Each experience adds on its own favour to my trip. Each redefines my perspective unwittingly.

Somehow, I found myself again. The person that I truly was, merging into the person that I want to be. The person that emerged is rested, recharged and more sure of herself. Radiating with confidence that she is ready to face the world back home and stand by her beliefs.

I look to my next trip alone with joy and anticipation.

New journey, new places, new people, new experiencs with new lessons and perspectives to be learned.

“sometimes, the best way to find yourself and to listen to your heart is to be alone.”

Cheers

Written in July 2006

I love this article.

http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/col/lamott/2003/06/06/commencement/index.html

I read this a long while back. It’s something that I will read and reflect on when I feel lost.

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

From young, I have always yearn freedom. It stems from growing up as an only child with loving but overprotective parents. My parents love me. No doubt about it. But, they were very conventional & strict.

Going abroad for studies was a cherished dream I plotted from young. It was supposed to be my official channel of escape for freedom. It was a dream that was shoved aside when my dad left. But, it was never forgotten.

Whenever, life gets too tiring for me here. I will remember this dream & wonder when can I fulfil it. My main source of concern & worry is leaving my mum here. Plus she will never agree to it. Am not giving up yet. I still hope to pursue my Interest in Australia.

I am still hanging on to my cherished dreams that someday, I can convince my mum to relocate to Australia and build a better quality life. By better quality, I do not mean chasing after the rat race.

I have visions of relaxing evening walks by the sea and enjoying picnics in the parks together. Just sitting on a grass patch reading or lying on my back. (Any grass patch. In Singapore, people will look at you like a lunatic.)  I want to attend knitting classes with my mum and spend the nights with her knitting away on the porch. I want to bring her on short little daytrips on weekends to enjoy the simple joys of life. Or just enjoy gardening together.

Someday, when I have kids, I hope they can easily fly a kite within a stone’s throw from our house, climb some trees, have a treehouse. I hope they can enjoy all 4 seasons in a year. I hope they can grow up in a culture where being individualistic is a wonderful thing. I hope they can grow up in an culture where food fights, mince pies, camping under the stars and trekking across countryside are all part of their wonderful childhood memories.

I hope they hold none of the materialistic values I see in teenagers these days. I hope they learned the value of hard work and hard earned money from young. I hope they do not grow up in a competitive society thinking that driving the luxurious cars, owning the most expensive gadgets and living in big houses signifies happiness and success. I want them to learn the true meaning of happiness from being able to appreciate the smallest things in life. I want them to be able to understand the happiness of attaining success through diligent and perservance.

Now, all this is not going to happen overnight.

The first obstacle is money, meaning I need to work hard to accumulate my savings. The second obstacle is my mum’s mindset. This is essentially the hardest part cos there is no way I am going to just leave her here. I am hoping that by exposing her to more places and cultures, I can slowly sway her. And, the third factor, is of course, finding a man to make kids with. Well, should leave that to fate or god.

Meanwhile, I shall be dreaming and trying to build up my pool of funds. First thing I can do is to start working harder at my career.

Vagabond at Heart is my 2nd blogging project. I wanted to trial out the WordPress platform. Hopefully, it will eliminate most of the problems that a technically incompetence person like me faced in my previous blog.

This journal is all about self discovery. It is a place for me to store my thoughts and memories for future self reflection. Little snapshoots of my life will be posted here for safe-keeping. 

Welcome to my blog!