Numbed

It was difficult but I met you for lunch.

So many thoughts running through my head. Can’t decipher all of them. Am writing with a distinct numbness that I achieved with all the beers that I drowned.

You look different. Gained some weight. More wrinkles in your face. When I look at you, I see in you the man I had always knew you would grow into. It hurts that I wasn’t there to see how the wrinkles added on or witnessed your growth.

When you showed me your picture with her, I felt like somebody just hit me on the head. All I could registered was how happy you look and how pretty she is. And, she is successful in her career too. Wham! All my vulnerabilities and insecurities came back.

All my “what if”s remained frozen cos I realised how futile they were. With a bright smile pinned on my face, I bited back all that I wanted to tell you.

Numb feelings all over.