Random thoughts
“Am at the gate waiting to go in. Am anticipating my upcoming journey but my mind is still on your messages. After so many messages, we still didn’t manage to meet up. That is so typical of us, isn’t it? Both of us kept trying but just couldn’t make it.
I really wanted to see you before I leave. Not sure why but this trip feels like my own way of saying good bye to you. A little way of proving to myself that I can survive very well on my own.
Anyway, even if we did meet up, the words that I really wanted to tell you would still be left unspoken, sealed and withheld in my heart.”
“When travelling, I am really living each day, every moment. I am only here for 5 days. Yet, it feels like so long. I feel so far removed from all things I consider normal. Everything else seems so insignificant. Nothing else matters except the moment I am in.”
“Finally make it to the train to Nice and found my seat. Looking at the rolling countryside, I was striked by the realisation that I have turned out exactly how my parents wanted me to be. Not the stubborn streak, not the rebellious streak in me. But, that I was living my life in the way they wanted. An ordinary life without extraordinary accomplishments. More importantly, I am a decent person with the right values that they deemed important. I think Dad will be proud of me and the way I face life.”
“Rome is beautiful and my room is really great! So great that I have to drag myself ouside this morning. Was tempted to just stayed in and read. Been feeling homesick since I said good-bye to the 2 guys. Feeling lonely for company. It was nice to have people to share experience together. Miss having decent conversation. Decided to indulged in a spot of shopping to cheer myself up. Ended up with 3 pairs of italian shoes.”
“Today, at the train station, I lose it completely. I was a raving mad woman shouting and cursing at the man over the counter. I had been directed 5 times to the wrong quenes and been putting up all morning with intensely rude people who have 15 minutes conversations before turning around with their dismissive attitude to either tell you they can’t help or provide insufficent information, I had it! And the way they throw tickets, maps or changes at you rudely. I finally blow my top at the bloody rude and obnoxious man who was wavely me off rudely.”
Feeling abit sleepy after the wine I had. It’s raining. After taking a small walk through the town I planned to spend the day and found it deserted. I decide to change my plan and head for Geneve. Hopefully, it is far enough for fine weather. It’s also on the border of France. I can pop over to Annecy if I want.”
“Dad will not approve if everything that I have done but he will be proud of me for holding on to my values and principles. His one big regret will to that I am not happily settled with a family of my own. Sorry, Dad.”
“Almost miss the train. Had to take a cab. Costs me 13 Euros and a panic frenzy. I brought my bad habits along on the trip. The calm composed outer veneer that I fancy myself cultivating was gone in seconds. Guess that is what travelling alone is about. All my bad habits and my vulnerabilities resurface without warning. Out of the usual comfort zone and without anyone to rely on. Every time I start getting comfortable, it is time to move on. I often see the best and worse side of myself in a single day or within moments. Guess travelling is also about self discovery.”
“Today, when I climbed the steps of Notre Dame. My heart was chanting a refrain to you. All the way down till I reach the 387 steps. It’s a silly habit I had to distract myself to make whatever task at hand easier.”
“When I miss you, can you somehow feel it? Do you even think of me? Even if it is only fleeting moments, that few moments will gratify me cos it means I still have a place in your heart even if it is tucked away in a tiny corner.”
“Milan to Florence. This thought came to mind. Will the past you fall in love with the woman I have become? And, will the current me still fall for the man you have turned into if we have meet only now? Silly thoughts to be thinking. Questions that cannot be answered.”
“Am back in Paris. Gonna laze around in the morning and do my laundry. I actually walked down the street of Paris in my sleeping clothes, dumped my other clothes in the washing machine and sat myself beside the machine to read. Had to go get some change at the shop opposite. Think they was quite amused to see me in my T-shirt and pyjamas pants. kekeke.”
“I think I inherit both my dad’s heart and temper. Wondering which part of me is from my mum.”
“I think of you everyday in Europe. Lots of wondering and questioning. Across the towns I visit, beholding new sights, on my train journeys and bus rides, I think of you. Accompanied with tears, smiles and laughters.
In a little room at the top of the castle moat overlooking the town of Luzern in Switzerland, I wrote you a short letter on the window beam. Telling you the things I have always wanted to say. It is my way of saying farewell to you. It is silly, I know. But, it feels good to pour out my heart on that little wooden beam. I know, soon, somebody else will write their own thoughts over it and completely cover it. But, it doesn’t matter. Cos, just being able to write out what I feel is a liberating act in itself. I am totally at peace in that few moments. Somehow, all these little acts (however absurd) are meaningful to me. They are like the little steps to letting you go.”
Messages
“Just took the tram up the mountain. Brought some very nice chocolate for you. Going back to cook dinner now. I brought groceries and spend 2 hours cooking 3 dishes last night and actually finish them all by myself. Somebody said it smells very good. Ha!”
“Did what my wallet dictate and it was great! I took a tram up another mountain for hiking.”
“Just going to msg you & saw your msg. Switzerland is like a breathe of fresh air after Italy. It is so wonderful that I don’t want to leave! I was just thinking it’s a pity that I never have the chance to travel with you and A. Maybe we can plan a trip together in 2 years to celebrate our 20 years of friendship and do something crazy and fun!”
“When I am back, you must treat me to buffet cos am eating sandwich and pizza everyday. I have fantasies of local hawker fares everyday. Curry fish head, chicken rice, Chay Kway, Fried Oyster…..a different craving everyday.”
“Dun worry, will get back safely in my italian heels and hopefully your Gucci tie. Ciao & have fun!”
“Think I was too ambitious. Changing city and hotel every 2 days is quite tiring. People in the rail stations are psychos. Had a fight with one today.”
“Finally hv a decent room. My room in Rome is lovely! The last place was quite depressive. Decided to do a good dinner. Brought roast chicken, strawberries, salad and wine from the supermart. Wine is only Euro 2.85. The hotel owner was amused when I asked him to help me open the wine. “A whole bottle for you only!?” “
“Nice to hear from you! Was just thinking of curry fish head. Having fun! It’s not entirely smooth sailing but it’s a great experience. Met some really nice people.”
“I just climbed up a damn bloody steep hill to the hostel. Their 5 mins walk is actually a 25 mins steep climb. Italy tmw.”
“Mum, I am leaving Lyon for Nice. I like the people at Lyon better than Paris. Alot better actually.”
“The french desserts are good. It will be so nice if you are here too. They served a sandwich and 1 dessert for breakfast with coffee. But, it is $16. So ex.”
“Just reached Lyon last nite. Paris was beautiful but hostile. No wonder the French have sharp noses cos they need them to point to the sky. The tourists are the nicest! We are like lost souls trying to help each other find our way. And feeling very happy if we are able to help. Dessert is good!”
“Am sitting in a cafe eating pear tart with chocolate sauce & great coffee. Pure bliss!”
Messages from well meaning friends
M: Hi how are you? How’s the trip going? Take care & please be safe.
P: Just msg me when u reach Milan, ok? Next time, just call me. No need to ask. (After a false scare.)
Hey, please take care. I still want you safely back home with your friends. Msg me when you reach.
Hi, how is your trip so far? u in Italy yet?
Msg me when you reach.
Hi, where are you now? Enjoying yourself?
Hey, miss home yet? Or enjoying too much?
Guess your first day is more of an adventure! Gd that y r settling in. Can see that u r trying to squeeze much into 1 msg. In the midst of enjoying, pls be safe.
PL: Next stop’s where? U must learn to shrug like the bloody french. Heh.
SH: Hey fren, how are things over yr side? Just want to sms you to let you know that someone is missing u…Haha…Have fun and take care.
No problem, we will go eat curry fish head when you are back. My treat.
Good idea! I will msg A and we will have something planned by the time you are back!
A: Can’t wait for you to get back. U better come back soon or P and I going to become buddies soon.
When are you coming back? Take care!
