Vagabond At Heart


Song from a potato friend
August 30, 2007, 3:04 am
Filed under: Relationships

This song was forward to me by someone I just met. He is a “potato” and does not understand the lyrics at all but he actually like the song. Was quite of surprised.

The lyrics make me think of you. Again. Somehow, it adeptly describe how I feel. Or does all sad songs make me think of you?

You got to know I am job hunting yesterday, and immediately offered to help me check out postings from your HR. I received a whole list of suitable postings from you first thing this morning. You know what? You got to stop being so nice to me.

I am really happy to have met you and to know that, the guy I love for so long is a really decent person. But, I need to move on.

For once, in my life, I am actually making effort to meet people. Friends are kinda of amazed. Nothing serious, just meeting people but the distraction is good.

 

歌曲:陪你一起老

歌手:品冠 专辑:疼你的责任

作曲:小虫作词:小虫

当爱不能同情当爱不能哭
留在心里那一点点的恨还真苦
没有人能作主没有人服输
爱情的蛮横和残酷无处申诉
谁不贪图那多一点的在乎
想要爱又吃不了苦就别欺负
虽然结束也不要不甘不服
曾有过就要满足要真的祝福
我只是难过不能陪你一起老
再也没有机会看到你的笑
记住你的好却让痛苦更翻搅
回忆在心里绕啊绕我多么的想逃
我只是难过不能陪你一起老
每天都能够看到你的笑
少了个依靠伤心没人可以抱
眼泪擦都擦不掉你知道
希望你知道我是真心的祝福
只要你过得好快乐就好



The first step
August 28, 2007, 2:01 am
Filed under: Dreams and Goals

Have 2 interviews lined up tomorrow. Feeling rather nervous since the last time I went for an official interview was 6 and a half year back.

But, actually, there is also anticipation. I am looking forward to embracing my new beginning since it will be a career switch. There is an underlying current of excitment that I am taking the first step to an all new future. This tiny step is a big step for me since it wasn’t easy for me to make the decision.

Of course, this is only the beginning. I hope to go for plenty more interviews before narrowing down my choices. Hopefully, I get plenty of choices.



The fact of life
August 20, 2007, 2:34 am
Filed under: Family, Friends

My friend’s father passed away on Friday. He had final stage lung cancer. He was in hospital for 3 months. My friend had just transferred him to a hospice for 3 days cos there were nothing they could do to save him. According to the doctors, he had only 3-6 months of life left. But, he left us peacefully sooner than expected.

This kindly uncle was always full of smiles and treated everyone with warmth.

The family was prepared for the worse but not so soon. They received the shock with mixed feelings mingled with controlled grief. They are trying desperately to keep their grief under control until the funeral is over. The reality of the shock is still taking time to sink in. And, there is a part that is relieved that his sufferings was not prolonged fighting with the pain of losing him. The yearning to have him by their side for as long as possible. Every day counts. Also the part that is lamenting the injustice of it. Plus the guilt of not being able to do more and the anger of being so helpless.

There isn’t very much that we can do for them. I can only hang around to offer emotional support, rotate shifts and run odd errands.

Auntie was saying to me, ” He is such a good man. Why him? It is so unfair.” I could only hold her hands and tell her that at least he is not suffering anymore. I could think of nothing else to say cos I know how futile it is to say anything else.

7 years ago, that was the only thing I took comfort in. That he is not in pain anymore. 7 years ago, I felt relieved that he is not suffering anymore, relieved that I don’t have to watch the agony of sickness anymore and relieved that it is all over. It took me years to overcome the trauma, the guilt and the grief. But, time really do heals.

Looking at my friend and her mum, I can only hope that time will help them heal faster.

Auntie has been married to uncle for the past 38 years. Hearing her talk about how they met and what a good man he is, one can’t help feeling sad. Auntie has poor eye-sight. She has been dependent on uncle to be a trusty walking aid for a long time. She is really scared of her new life without her life time companion. Yet, listening to her talk of facing her new life without him, one can’t help but admire her courage.

Uncle, may you rest in peace.



Advice from client
August 15, 2007, 10:41 pm
Filed under: Friends, Relationships

Advice from client:

J, you can’t be like me. You are different. I have been thru marriage, went one whole round with the same man half my life and we are fighting out our divorce in court. You are different. You are still young. You still have a whole future ahead of you. You need to find someone you love, settle down with him, have children and build a family together. You have so much ahead of you. You can’t just lock up your heart like that. You will never be able to move forward if you are locking yourself up like that.

Somehow, these words make me feel like weeping my heart out cos I know she is absolutely right.



Funny dream
August 13, 2007, 1:11 am
Filed under: Friends, Relationships

I dreamt of you last week.

In my dream, you were a young boy. A young boy with your face, your mannerism and expressions. Happily playing with 2 friends. You guys saw me and burst into song, happily singing away with you as the lead.

I recognise the smirk on your face that is so familiar. The look of supreme satisfaction with self when you are doing something you are really good at.

At the end of the song, your friends got started on a new song. A song that you are unfamiliar with. The tiny little you of my dream started throwing a really KIDDY tantrum. You were stamping your little feet in EXTREME frustration. And you started to sing LOUDLY to the tune of Fur Elise, trying to drown the 2 kids’ singing. You were singing 三○三百八十八……to Beethoven’s famous tune!

http://www.virtualsheetmusic.com/downloads/Beethoven/Eliza.html 

It was so ridiculous that I woke up laughing heartily. I was so tickled by the image that I continue laughing for the next 5 mins. The way that only you can make me laugh. It has been a while…

Gosh! I must be going NUTS!

As an amused C put it, “You must be spending too much time with kids this past 2 weeks and you can’t stop thinking of him all the time. Put the 2 together and your weird dream manifest”.

As they said “Like tat how???”



Catchy tune
August 7, 2007, 7:05 pm
Filed under: Music

This cheerful tune puts me in happy mood. 

 http://www.youtube.com/v/Iz33mhXxjrw



Charming Verona
August 7, 2007, 1:37 pm
Filed under: Travelogue

Veronese Estate Teatrale

I miss the festival. I promised myself that someday I will go back to watch a play in the awesome theatre and enjoy ballet under the stars. And I will be stuffing myself silly with their irresistible cookies and drinking wine while enjoying the performances. Am so looking forward to it. I love the town with its unique charm. I am crazy about their awesome desserts and cookies too. Mouth watering delicious!



Soaring Freely
August 7, 2007, 1:17 pm
Filed under: Travelogue

Soaring Freely

Florence, Jun 2007

These feathered friends were everywhere. I see them when I was sightseeing or just picnicking. Everytime I tilted my head toward the sky, they were there. At night, they entertained me from my bed till I fell into a slumber.



Half baked nerd with half baked linguistic ability
August 7, 2007, 12:54 am
Filed under: Family, Little things in Life

Channel U is airing 清宫风云. Am happily following the serial whenever I can.

qing-gong-feng-yun.jpg

http://ent.sina.com.cn/v/m/f/dqfy/

Beside 清宫风云, I also like the serials 水浒传 and 三国演义. 

Most of my friends who discovered my likings for the above are truly amazed. Most of them dubbed these shows as boring and nerdy. Which is why I have always feel a little squemish about telling someone that I like such shows.

But, I really like them. I like the brillant plots and strategizing of warfare. They are really ingenious. I like watching the hao qin of the people of those eras. I like watching their power plays and the complexity of their thinking. I do not find them the least boring. In fact, I am quite fascinated with them.

Then, I realised something recently.

Most of my male colleagues like 三国演义 too! Both men of my age and the uncles. I was so happy! That makes me feel so much less of a freak! So, maybe, I am just tom-boyish in my liking. hehehe….That discovery got us all so excited. We animatedly discussed episodes and plots. We acted like we finally found kindred spirits in each other. Think the gals in office were quite amused with us.

I guess I like the serials also because it is the easier way for me to get the stories beside enjoying the life-like drama. Cos, I hate to read in Mandarin.

I definitely cannot write in Mandarin to save my life. I can probably read enough to wring it when the occasion calls for reading. Yet, my first spoken language is Mandarin. I speak it at home and with close friends. This strange linguistic disequilibrium comes from having parents who are chinese educated. Since they speak Mandarin as a first language, it is only natural for them converse with me in Mandarin. And since they were not able to tutor me in English, they spared no expenses or efforts (bringing me to library every week) to ensure that I get plenty of reading materials in English.

Results:

I generally speak more in Mandarin out of business context but am more comfortable reading and writing in English. Of course, in Singapore, we have a tendency to use English. So, that helps to tip the equilibrium.

But, I guess that their efforts to introduce me to the Chinese culture in my early childhood did manifest itself in my liking for historical drama serials. I can still recite some Tang dynastry poems that they taught me when I was 3 years old.

P.s. One of your most endearing quality was that you could appreciate such drama serials too. In fact, you even like 走向共和. I like the fact that you have diverse interests and have an open and avid mind. Always open to new things and fun to be with. Wonder if the next guy that comes along can also appreciate such drama and yet, at the same time not be too much of a nerd too. 

 走向共和》



Lovely lovely day amid little darlings
August 6, 2007, 4:03 pm
Filed under: Friends, Little things in Life

05-08-07_2012.jpg05-08-07_2015.jpg05-08-07_2014.jpg05-08-07_2011.jpg05-08-07_2008.jpg05-08-07_1926.jpg05-08-07_2009.jpg05-08-07_1928.jpg05-08-07_2010.jpggrumpy-look.jpgcheerful.jpggal-gal.jpg

Hugs and Kisses

Tears and Tantrums

Squeaks of delights and laughters

Lots of cuddlings and plenty of toys (I get to play too! hehe..)

Immersed in acute childishness and cuteness

Transported back to the world of make-believed and fairytales

A lovely lovely afternoon spent with my best pals and their kids

The joy of holding a child in your embrace, feeling their tiny weights leaning on you and the delight of their little hands holding on to yours, looking at you with a gleam of mischief in their eyes.

Like my best fren said, I should visit more often. The feeling of happiness lingers…