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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain, Author |
I didn’t clear my pre-employment checkup cos the X-rays showed a spot in my lung indicating an infection. The report has been sent to the lab and we need to wait 5 working days before the results will be out. Doc is just worried that it may develop into pneumonia.
Meanwhile, course of antibiotics to see if the infection can be cleared up. Been having problem sleeping cos of the frantic coughing. So, the doc prescibed a potent cough mixture that puts me to sleep in less than half an hour. Gonna be strucked at home over the easter holidays sleeping over the next few days. It is a good thing I didn’t manage to get a flight out for a short holiday.
Hopefully, the infection will clear by next week. The doctor won’t be able to clear my pre-employment checkup until they run another X-rays in about 6 weeks. Haiz..this will teach me to be neglectful about my health. I totally deserved it for not consulting a doctor asap.
Well, the medicine seem to be working well. I am feeling better already. I suppose after being deprived of sleep for 2 weeks, all that sleeping helps. Please just let the report be ok so that I can start work as planned.
When I look at you, I think I understand your pains
Cos they are mine too
I am not any better at coping with them than you are
I am just better at hiding them
When you look at me, I know what you are wondering
And I am grateful that you are not voicing it aloud
Cos then, all I can say to you is I am sorry
And I am truly sorry
Not only for you but for myself too
Two simple people who wonder why happiness elude them
If only life can really be so simple
And feelings can be less complicated
Unfortunately, they are not
I can only wish you well
The joy of capering anywhere you want and know that your family is there to catch you at the end.
Came across this poem on the blog, my home is in empty spaces.
It strikes a chord in me, reminding me of the conflicts I have with my parents since childhood. Without a doubt, my relationship with them is filled with love. I have always feel blessed by how much my parents love me. And, I love them beyond anything else. But then, it is also filled with conflicts. How often have I wish that their perspective of parenting allow me more room for freedom and self development, and less of conforming to expectations in the narrow boundaries of their traditional views.
I remember conversations with my cousin and X, centering on our respective parents. The gist of it was, we think that our parents being traditional and conventional, holds on to the belief in ownership of their children (us). They have certain expectations of us submitting to them because “We are your parents and it is our right to tell you what to do. And as parents, we always know best. So, you should obey us and do what we ask.” Whereas, we see a different form of belief among our peers’ parents whose belief centers on the stewardship of their children as stated in the bible. They see themselves as keepers of their children and recognise that their children have their own life path to follow and that they have a right to be making important life choices on their own.
Of course, we have no doubt that whatever beliefs and actions stemmed out of parental love. And whatever, our lives turn out to be, still manifest from our choices. But, maybe, just maybe, the process will be easier if we are given more leeway for individual choices. Well, at least, for myself, there is a lesser need for my rebellious steak that is still smothering somewhere beneath the surface, ever ready to flare up if necessary. Maybe, that extra effort which is spend fighting against their expectations could have been spent creating more opportunities and experiences, creating a slightly different me. Well, just maybe.
If you ever come across this, mum. Please know that I do love you and appreciate everything that you have done for me. And I do know that both of you have given me the best possible within your capacity.
Poet Khalil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you,
yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
N just sent this over.
It is a reminder that.
Once.
I thought it was cool to attend my good friend’s wedding draped in the most indianly piece of cloth I could find in the house.
Which turns out to be a tablecloth.
I could almost hear myself proclaimed to anyone who complimented my outfit, that, “It is actually a tablecloth!” At which, P rolled her eyes and muttered, “The rest of the world dun hv to know that it is a tablecloth, you know.”
It must be the age. I now look at the pictures and go “OMG! How could I go out wearing a tablecloth? And, a wedding some more.”
I just received the CFA level I textbooks. Just one glance at the textbooks and all my stress stimulis are vibrating. I am currently examining my brain now. Am I kind of pushing it when I am just starting on a new job where I need to pick up everything from scratch?
Guess I will be fine. I have till December to study. That is a whole 8 months! That shall be sufficient time if I can somehow overcome my bad procrastinating habit.
X decided not to take it this round. So, I am on my own. Gosh! I have not touch Econs for the past decade. Wonders if I remember anything beyond the basic demand and supply. Think I will start with textbook 3. After all, it is more relevant to my job. Hopefully, all that reading will help me on my job too.
First thing first. I need a study plan and a schedule.
Now, I shall go have a glass of wine and finished up my diverting book so that I can have a nice end to my night.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it’s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
—— author unknown
Probably takes a saint to do this. But, it is a good reminder of all the things that I should learn to let go. Makes life alot easier if I do. Alot happier and more carefree too.
This poem reminds me of a workshop I have attended. In this workshop among many strangers, I learnt that one of my greatest failings is I have problem letting go of the fact that I always have to be right. I have always been rather obstinate in my own ways. Everyone around me know how stubborn I can be once I make up my mind about something or once I formed an opinion about someone or something. It is hard to sway me because I hold on firmly to the conviction that I know I am right. It is frustrating for the people around me because I may not debate the point with you since I think intellectual debates are pointless. I simply radiate the attitude of “So, we hold different views. That is alright. We do not have to agree. But, in my mind, I STILL think I am right.” This frustrates the people around me since they have no opportunity of making me see their points or any hope of me adopting their perspectives. I have mellowed alot over the years. I have learnt that there are many instances in life where it does not matter who is right or wrong. That it is just a differences of perspectives. We are all right in our own ways. That it is often impossible to just draw a clear cut line between right and wrong. But, in many instances, I still have problem letting go of my need to be right. This may be a good area to start working on in the “Letting go” dept.
