A little personal space

Last Tuesday, in a desperate bid to simultaneously escape a boring lunch conversation and find myself some  much needed personal space. I brought along the book I tucked into a corner of my work desk with some half baked idea to grab lunch and have it by the river.

After 5 mins of blissful reading and munching, I was rudely interpreted by a self-proclaimed fortune teller who smilingly parked himself beside me for the next 5 mins. The most wonderful thing was, within 5 mins after getting rid of him, another man sat himself next to me and offered to read my fortune. My reaction was one of comical disbelief. Seriously, do I look that bad? Must be looking really depressive or sucidal, huh? Why else will I attract 2 fortune tellers in span of 15 mins? This one was really persistant and stayed for a full 10 mins. 

The unfortunate thing was that I was stranded there with my half eaten fried noodle, hot tea, huge bag and book, all scattered on the bench in an auntie-ly manner. And anyway, why should I leave? Well, at least, it was quite entertaining to hear all the stuff he was trying to deduct from my features while I was feverishly shoving lunch down. At the very critical point where he could have turned me into a millionaire, his phone rang and he had an incomprehensive conversation to leave me dangling rather desperately awaiting for my life-turning secret. Darn! I could have been a millionaire by now. And to think that opportunity actually knocked TWICE!

I have since then develop my own personal theories to the things they mentioned. Or rather, their skills in fishing for information. After I finally got rid of him, mood was pretty ruined. I headed back office the soonest possible.

Today, I was in rather much the same mood. I wisely decided that the river was a bad idea. The 2 men are probably there everyday lurking around, fishing for customers to tell fortune to.

And guess what, while roaming, I finally found my little “escape” corner in an aged old spot. It is highly visible and yet able provide my much needed personal space. It comes with music, the sun, newspaper and people watching. And yes, I will be eating lots of McChicken for lunch from now on.

Rainy Muddy Faraway Tuas

Yes, in case you were there, I was the bimbo strutting all over the muddy construction site in my high heels. Yes, even to the musky toilet still in progress but already exhibiting full blast toilet smelling potential. Nobody can say my job is not interesting. And no, I didn’t plan on arriving for building inspection in my heels cos I think it’s cool. Haven’t lose my mind yet.

The right question

Maybe, the right question to ask myself when shit happens is “how do I make it better”?

If I ask myself this facing every screw-up, sooner or later, things will be better.

The fact that I am doing something to make things better, should make me feel better.

Whimsicality

Met these 2 danish girls taking whimsical shots. Was really amused by this pose. I thought it was so cool and approached them to help me with this shot. We had alot of fun and happily decided to title our shots “Paris, my ass!”.  

I do miss whimsicality and fun.

Been doing all the boring stuffs lately. Feeling all stiffled and really bored. All my pyscho-ness is just festering inside, dying for release. Most of the time, I just bite back my cranky comments at work. Haiz! There are days when I question myself if I am in the wrong place. Not that it is a bad place to be in, just that I feel so stiffled in a prim & proper workplace environment. I miss gaiety & laughter. I need to meet my friends more often really, now that I have given up working late and mum is well again. 

I need to bring back whimsicality in my life. The whim to do things I deem as fun and the ability to laugh right out and make fun of the ridiculous things I am putting up with at work. Like screaming customers. I am sure cracking jokes out of their screaming sessions should be quite fun.

6 months

It has been hell of a 6 months.

Lots of things have changed and lots of happenings.

Some good, some bad.

I have not seen you since that day. What difference can 6 months make to the way I feel?

Frankly, I have no idea except that I do not allow myself to ponder too much these days. I have kind of gotta in the habit of not allowing my thoughts to venture beyond a certain point. Guess being too busy and too caught with life helped. But, then, maybe, it is just my way to avoid thinking. When it is long enough, maybe the feelings will just fade away. 

Life’s little pleasures

Ironic relationship

Today, H came down to meet me for lunch. I realised how much I miss decent conversations. The kind that I can just say exactly what I feel, make corny jokes if I want to and still manage to have a good time and fun conversation.

As usual, he left me food for thought. It was only when I got back to office that I realised that I have just been caught by the oldest trick question that he has up his sleeves. Was really amused when it striked me. Can’t wait to tell C about it. Well, if that woman finally makes her way down to do lunch.

Our relationship with H is always an ironic one. We respect him and trust his good sense and yet, maintained a level of guardness as our self defense mechanism. It used to be all trust and respect. Somewhere along the way, the level of heightening guardness just creep steadily in.  

Well, considering the amount of time he spent over the years taking turns to offer two of us tissues over all sorts of events, big and small, personal and work. We know that to a certain extent he does care. Which explains the element of respect we have for him. And of course, our respect for the undeniable amount of bluntness, perception and common sense he had. But, the level of guardness in the relationship is important to maintain our sense of balance.

I have to admit that I am really glad to have lunch with him. He helps me restore the sense of balance and perspective I need now.

No man is an island

I have not seen my cousins for weeks but I know I have cousins who care.

I know because my cousin had been helping me buy lunch for my mum the whole of last week. J called and reminded me to call if I need help.

And even though, I brought my mum home. My aunt and uncle had been calling to make sure that things are still manageable for me. And more importantly, mum is getting by. I am really grateful to both of them.

W and S had both been just a call away when I need them. S had been making the effort to meet me for lunch despite her own worries at home. A has been also making the effort to meet me for a meal since she knew that things were not all rosy for me.  

At work, my boss has been extremely patient and understanding with me. Given that I am so new, she has been really kind and tolerant.

It is reassuring to know that some form of help is available if I really need. I am thankful to have people around who cares.

Reminder

To pay for my tax first, then send an email to dispute it.

With the gahmen, you always pay first and dispute later.

In case, they do eventually agree with you, you get some tax credit back.

Light

Today, I see light.

Mum seems so much better.

I should be able to throw out my nightmare report this week.

It is amazing what a light-hearted lunch with a friend can do.  

It is great to be able to rattle off without having to mince words.

It is wonderful to laugh out loud.

I am beginning to feel like myself again.

And, yes! Tmw is Friday. Just one more day and I can get some rest over the weekend.

A good sleep is what I need to make the world seem right again.