In the corporate world…

Sometimes, you encountered “theft” in its most window dressed and glamorous form.

One of my proposal came back with a strange proposition.

Am quite pissed actually. I wonder if the person who came out with the strange proposition (aka unreasonable, unbelievable & unpractical) knows what the hell she is doing. I get the idea that my big boss thinks she is quite mad. Unfortunately, she is his big boss.

And in times like this, the last thing you want to do is to upset your big boss. So, we both live with the insanity…no point fighting…..yabadobayala…whatever!

Carry on dreaming

I have this impulse to go online book myself an airticket to Melbourne and book myself a room in South Yarra or somewhere peaceful and cosy for 3 weeks.

And tmw, I will just go throw that letter and call it quits with the corporate world and all the screaming voices over the phone. Come home, pack my bag and take off for 3 weeks of blissful rest.

Once touched down, I will head straight to the market, buy groceries & wine. Boil myself some hearty home-made soup full of carrots, onions & potatoes, have some crusty bread and accompanied with some wine & music. Tuck myself into bed with a happy book and soft music in the background and fall asleep. I shall sleep all night and the rest of the next day too. No, toss it! I shall sleep for 2 days and 2 nites if I feel like it and get some restful sleep. I shall just laze happily at the apartment for the next few days. Doing nothing except to enjoy life eating, sleeping and whatever I feel like. No stress, no deadlines, no phone calls, no reports.

Oh, and the phone will definitely be switched off the moment I get on the plane.

Can’t believe I am posting this. I am definitely going bonkers soon. Now, since I have drummed up the images, maybe I can carry on with the dream in my sleep & transmit some positive feelings of restfulness.

Bravo, gal!

Over dinner, M shared with me that she got pregnant but..the embryo only survived for 2 weeks.

A lesser woman than M (people like moi) will have been rather downcast with disappointment. After all, they have been trying for the past 2 years. But, not my friend. Bravo, gal!

She was disappointed, of course. However, she is taking it really positively. Instead of allowing herself to lament over it, she is taking it as a good sign that it can happen. That, after trying so hard for so long, they are finally seeing some positive sign that it can happen!

Her take was she can now stop worrying about whether it can happen and just relax and wait for it to happen.

I feel truly humbled in the presence of this woman sometimes. By her kindness, her courage, her goodness and good sense. Most of all, her values and faithfulness.

And yes, I have every faith that you will have your own kids. For a couple with faith as strong as the both of you, you will find a way to make things happen because you want to. Even before this incident, you guys were already looking at your options. My faith also springs my inate belief that  good things should happen to wonderful people like the two of you.

Rooting for you here.

I need to laugh more often. I miss my own laughter.

It struck me the other day how much time I used to spent laughing in the office.

Or how much time I spent laughing for that matter.

Laughter that just gushed out. Spontaneous, natural, loud and from the heart.

I really need to allow myself to be more relaxed in the current place.

Nothing beats laughter as a curative for stress.

Certainly not a depressive maniac mood.

The wuss, the drunk and the beauty

May not be a pretty sight but it is great to have friends you can get totally sloshed with once in a blue moon.

More good than bad

I will always think of you with fond memories. For that I am grateful.
I am happy that you still remember my birthday. In little ways, I know you do care as a friend.
Just like I do care and wish you well despite keeping my distance.
We have different pathes to walk.
But, I know we will always be friends.
Even if someday we will to lose contact, we will still think of each other as friends.
Cos there are still more good than bad.
And the friendship was worth it. Every minute of it.
Just know that I do wish you well.
Truly from the bottom of my heart.

Argh!

J just got back fm Perth whilst L & A is currently enjoying Maldives. M has just flown off to Japan for a week. W is in Korea. Really, I could go on and on. It seem like every week or so, someone is flying off. I need my holiday fix SOON! Argh! This is the longest I have gone without holidays for years. I miss my freedom. Sob!

Last week, after a completely insane and unplanned drunken session (ok, the beer session was planned but getting drunk was not in the agenda), I decided to face the fact that I am completely and utterly unhappy with my job. I decided that it is time to stop whinning and have a talk with dear boss. I was all prepared to throw in the white towel and surrender unless we can find a way to make things better. Fuck the bad market timing and all the self rationalizing thoughts. If I go into office everyday screaming murder (actually more like suppressing the urge to murder) and killing myself with stress, then obviously, no job is worth it! Seriously, I aim to work to live, not live to work. We did kind of come to a compromise. Frankly, I am wondering if it will work cos to be completely honest, the system is only half the issue. The other half of the issue lies with my technical competencies. At this moment, I still lack the technical competencies neccessary to handle the job. No doubt, I can always brush up on it and I believe given time, I will. But, there are some things that you need to have a natural knack for. Some people can paint, some people are good with numbers, some people are gifted with music. Everytime I look at the reports, I feel my brain starting to freeze up. Not a good sign.

But, after the talk, I feel like I need to really convince myself that this is really not going to work out before I give up. After all, it was not easy to make it through the past 6 months and I cannot say in all honesty that I am not improving. Let’s see if I can stick it out for the next 6 months.

If money is not an issue, will I be in this job?

No!

What do you like about this job?

It is interesting if only the system is not so utterly screwed up.

What do you dislike about this job?

Beside the screwed up system, the boring environment that gives me the sensation of slowly sinking down to the seabed.

Why am I here?

I need a launch pad.

Why am I posting this?

Cos I am going bonkers!

Why am I going bonkers?

Too much frustration from too many screaming mamas and such to deal with at work.

Plus plenty of other holy crap.

Why am I not sleeping?

Cos every min of personal time outside work is precious.

Why this boring Q & A?

Cos I am bored and going bonkers if I do not release some pent up from work.

Had lunch with TL and F. Was touched that they came down specially to have lunch. Just seeing them and I am all relaxed and at home. Was quite overwhelmed with a sense of “homesickness” for ex-colleagues when I said bye to them.

The warmth of familiarity

My ex-colleagues had training right in the next building yesterday.

I was really happy to receive a call to meet TL asking me if I wanted lunch. Since I was meeting C & J for lunch, we arranged to meet up next week when he will be around the area for another training. His one call brightened up my drab morning.

Bumped into N right outside my building later in the day and pounced on him like we had not met for decades. Feels really good just to see him somehow.

Had fun with the girls over lunch being our usual psycho-tic selves.

Just seeing ex-colleagues bring a warmth that lasts throughout the day.

Missed you guys lots!

P.S. Actually, the people in the office are not too bad. My boss is really nice. The rest of the people are ok too. Er..well maybe save for one spoilt brat. “It doesn’t kill you to be more helpful really” But, beside being kinda of selfish, he is not that bad.

Just different wavelength I guess