Vagabond At Heart

“The issue with you is that you need to recognise that not all problem needs to be solved.

You have to evaluate the problem and recognise that some problems cannot be solved or at least, not immediately. If you think that after doing what you can, the problem will still stay, then don’t waste your time on it. Some problem will always float around until the circumstance changes. In time to come, it will take care of itself.

Then, there are problems that you can’t solve on your own or the onus is not on you. So, you either ask for help or you leave it to the right person to handle it.

Then, there are problems that you can solve and it’s up to you to solve them. That is what you should be focusing on.

Don’t try to take on everything by yourself and over-complicate things. It could backfire. You end up feeling frustrated and nothing is settled.”

Good advice. The problem with me is I am a worrier from way back. It’s hard to move ahead when I am worry about left, right, back and front. That’s why I am in the rut. I need to learn to leap ahead.

posted @ 12:28 AM

Actually, I am not ready to talk about it yet, at least not in details. Just want to jot down my thoughts and feelings for now.

Was feeling really bad the whole of yesterday. Met P over coffee to get it off my chest yestersday.

The conclusions:
1. I should not be too trusting of people even if I have known them for a few years.
2. I was too gullible and DUMB.

It’s one of those incident that makes you realise that you have grown too arrogance for your own good, that you are not as capable of taking good care of yourself as you thought,and not as deft at handling unexpected situation as you thought, (actually, in this case, I should have expected it if I have been more vilgant or exercise more cow sense), that bad things can still happens to you even as you feel a false sense of security, that it is not such a good idea to give everyone the benefit of doubt, not at the expense of getting hurt yourself. Learn to say NO before danger, not at the tip of danger.

It’s also one of those incident that you walked out of it, a wiser person after receiving a hard knock, where things could have gotten really much worse and you are so relieved that it did not, and you are ever so thankful for that, and you promised yourself to learn a grave and important lesson never to put yourself in such a situation ever again…till the next time lesson of course.

And of course, the reproach that you subject yourself to on the aftermath. The accusations of stupidity and gullibility. Or just plain dumb and stupid. You can’t believe how incredibily dumb and stupid you were. The refrain just keeps going over and over in your head and you still can’t quite believe it.

The whole chain of events just seem to lead from one thing to another and you are not quite sure how you let yourself arrive in such a precarious situation. But, you are well aware that at any one point if you choose to put your foot down, you could have avoid this situation. You are hoping that at any time, you will wake up and it will just be a bad dream that you can leave behind.

I guess it an important lesson that I need to learn. And it is a good thing that I did not come to any harm. It is also a good thing that this happens before my trip to San Diego to serve as a reminder for me to be more careful.

Now, if only the images in my mind will go away and the refrains of self accusations will cease. I just need time to get over it emotionally, I guess.

posted @ 6:46 PM

(Not the bears & the bulls but the great one liner below!)

“It is only in difficult times that you learn to separate the men from the boys.”

How true! The men will stay calm, prioritise, seek solutions, steer the direction for long term, evaluate, reflect and evaluate. The men will take actions and face up to problems. They will do the difficult tasks because they need to & take responsibility.

The first person I thought of was MK. He will always be a boy until he faces a major crisis in his life. Even then, one crisis may not be enough to turn him to a man. It may take crisis after crisis until he learns to face up to problems & gets some sense of priorities. He will never be a man until he learns to take responsibility on his shoulder & face up to it. I hope for his sake that he will learn fast. I hope his overseas stint for one year will do him good & teach him some valuable lessons in life. I hope he can learn enough to be a man who can shoulder responsibility so that a nice woman can find him dependable enough to lean on.

posted @ 1:46 AM

If someone treats us badly, it is because we allow it. So, we can also stop it.

If we feel we should always be treated with respect and appreciation, our expectation will be naturally convey in our attitude, speech, actions and behaviour. People around us will perceive the message and behave accordingly. People perceive us on both a concious and subconcious level. Whatever they perceive directly impact their behaviour towards us.

So, everything boils down to our self image of who we are, how we deserve and expect to be treated. Our personal care, words, actions, behaviour and our body language are our messenger. If we feel we should always be treated kindly with respect, we would not put up with bad behaviour. Remember, all of us have a choice.

posted @ 12:38 AM

Family outing. Just want to take a picture with aunt.

Mother’s Day

The strength of blood ties. Despite decades of differences. Despite living our own separate lives. We are still family that will gather in times of need.     

                                    The Nutty Cousins

I decided to shake off the feeling of guilt and ignore the image of the stackS of work piling up in the office and have a lazy Sunday. Work is never-ending. In the space of just one month, work seem to have taken over my life. Of course, this is initial adjustment period where everything is new and foreign to me. Where I do have to put in more hours and efforts to manage both work and expectations. But, it is still important to strike a sense of balance and well being. I seem to be in a constant state of stress and tiredness everyday. And this is no good. I need to break this routine of working over the weekend. I need to somehow relax and contain the stress to working hours. 

I can well imagine regreting my decision tomorrow when I am confronted with my desk, emails and incessant phone calls. But, for now, I am really over the moon about having a complete weekend away from the office! Hooray! I had a really lazy Saturday, catching up on sleep. Had a really lazy Sunday morning surfing the web, watching TV. Gonna spend the afternoon reading my choice select from my steals at the book fair. We are going out for Mother’s Day dinner at Jumbo later to feast on our favourite pepper crabs. This is heavenly! The best weekend ever since I started work.

Today is just one of those days that seems to start with an uplifting high but yet ends with an  incredible sadness in my heart. A sadness that springs up from a mingling of a series of events, catching me off guard with its intensity.

I just need to go sleep it off. Tomorrow is definitely a busy day at work. Which is good. That will keep my mind occupied, too busy to ponder over negative thoughts.

12/03/08

Everyday I wake up and I feel tired.

Every night when I get home, I feel tired. Not physically. Rather the mind draining kind of tiredness.

Not sure where the main bulk of the tiredness is coming from. Is it the work stress, trying to figure out the systems, understand the reports and struggling to string together bits and pieces of information to make some sense of things so that I do not appear too inadequate? Or trying to curb my sense of inadequancy in a completely new environment.

I am also completely freaked out with the crowds. Every morning, I think of the crazy crowd at the train station and I want to run a mile. Squeeze..elbow…push…in all ways & manners. This is like the biggest shock in joining the mad hour rush every day. Twice a day. No, I forget the lunch hour crowd. So, it is 3 times a day. That day, we took 20 mins before we could get a seat for lunch cos it was raining. I have learned to sleep standing on the train just so that I could partially tune out the crowd.

I can’t decide which is the part that I find most draining. Adapting to work, people, system or routine.

This is only the second week into my new life and I feel so tired. I take comfort in knowing that I seem to have a better sense of how things function as compared to last week. Chin up! Transition is always hard. It can only gets easier.

You are a highly spontaneous person who always likes to try new things. Novel and unpredictable situations don’t bother you; instead you find them challenging and exciting.

You tend to be focused and resourceful and you are able to juggle a lot of projects at the same time; as a result you are sometimes a whirlwind of activity.

You have a firm grip on reality and enjoy living in the present tense. But you have a keen imagination that enables you to lift off from time and space to be remarkably creative.

You are humorous. You are able to laugh at yourself, and you like entertaining others.

You have a deep sense of compassion. You can show genuine insight into the needs of others; you are good at listening and talking; and you express a genuine desire to be helpful.

Yet you are easy-going. Your tolerance for others and their beliefs, your lack of prejudice, your ability to compromise and your occasional antics make you popular with others and a great companion.

1. Income Tax filing.

2. Check with TL on pending fee to transfer to S.

3. Arrange to change my mobile no. and re-print namecards.

4. Check out schwesser notes for CFA I. I think I need.

5. Follow up on refund fm school.