It feels like everytime we meet up, you are always updating me about a new relationship, proposal plans or wedding plans. On occasions where you tell me things are not going well, I was always taken aback that you had already broken off, and had someone new in your life, the next time we met again. Yet, I know you are not the frivolous kind. You are decent, responsible, dependable and steadfast. What I find personally appealing is your thoughtfulness combined with your innate logic and a hint of humor. Maybe, that is where your attraction lies. Your personality combines with all the attributes that denote you an eligible bachelor in all senses of our society. I have never met any of your girlfriends. But, I have no doubt that they are all good looking and attractive despite their different personalities. Since I known you, you had already walked through 4 or 5 relationships.
The last proposal did not work out. But, somehow, I always felt that you guys will get back together. Cos’ compared to the previous ex, I think you are really happy with her. I could see your eyes lighting up when you talked about her.
This time round, you tell me that you are getting married to this new girl you met through a friend. You proposed within a few months of the relationship. I know your last proposal was also within a year of the relationship. But, that feels very different. Cos within 2 months into the relationship, you were already talking of marriage. An atittude that was a complete turnaround in the space of a few months. I could see you were perfectly happy in love and eager to commit yourself to her.
This time round, I can’t help questioning if it is just the circumstances in your life that is leading you to propose. Yet, I can see that you are really serious about it. You guys have done alot of planning, discuss important issues for the future and done your pre-marriage course with your church mates. But, somehow, when you tell me all these stuff, there is a lack of sparkle in you that was very evident the last time you were contemplating marriage. It almost feel like you are approaching it from a task oriented perspective.
This time round, I can’t help thinking you were giving in to the practicalities of life in approaching marriage as your next stage of life. I suppose you are mainly making this decision for your family. This is not my concern and I am really in no position to judge. But, I actually walked away from lunch feeling kind of downcast.
Ok, I will admit it. A part of the melancholy was me lamenting that I never have the chance to explore the possibility. But then, I have always seen it as an impossible possibility cos of the differences in our backgrounds and our expectations. And anyway, I know that you have plenty of better choices. What I feel is just an attraction but I have never put my heart in it. My heart has always been somewhere else with another person.
But, a large part of my melancholy stemmed from wondering if you are making the right decision. But, of course, that is your decision to make. And, in your own words, “I did feel kind of strange after I proposed. It took me a while to settle into the notion. We have been doing the stuffs and done the course. So, I kind of got adjusted to it and it is really fine now.”
So, maybe marriage is a notion we need to work on. After all, there is a good number of people out there who took the step towards marriage because it is practical. You may not think the person is the one you love the most. But there is a need to move on. You see some qualities in this person that make you think it is possible for you to commit spending the rest of your life together. You want to move on to the next stage of life. You jumped into it and you work out the issues together after that.
I still can’t decide if I should be happy for you. Well, I hope you will be happy.
Maybe, I am the one who is too idealistic, asking for the best of both worlds. I have always wanted to be one of those couples who look like they belong WITH each other. Not one of those couples who appear to be tied down with marriage, not with each other.