Saying goodbye: day IV

This is the 3rd day that I got home at 5.30am. It will also be the last day since tmw is funeral. My nieces and nephews were playing some silly games with forfeit. Had alot of fun watching them and joining in. We took some silly pictures. It is good that not all memories of the wake are sad. There are little moments where we crack jokes, do silly stuff as a family. These are the moments that I want to remember. Moments with cousins, nieces and nephews. It is in these moments that I truly feel the ties of kinship. As one cousin put it,”In moments like this, you learned that the people who turned up are the ones who truly matters.”  As an extended family, we may be leading our separates lives. But, in moments of death and illnesses, we always gather cos we are still family. It is also through these events that we explore and renew our common heritage as family. We tell and listen to tales of the old kampong days when everyone were staying under one roof with my grandparents heading the household. Beneath these tales, there lies a common bonding of shared family ties and history.

However, I often feel that with the passing on of the elder members, it is inevitable that these ties will be dilluted sooner or later. It is already happening. Our nieces and nephews from different branches of the family barely know each other. They hang around only with cousins within the same branch of the family tree.

As I told J, with the passing on of 2nd uncle, I only have one more elderly uncle whose presence make a difference in helping to maintain our ties of kinship. Even then, more often than not, the differences generally translated to New Year’s visit and special occasions. Once this uncle is gone, our extended family ties will be pretty diffused and distanced.

2nd uncle’s death feels to me like the start of a permanent close with the link of my childhood life and family heritage. The span of events happening in my life recently seems to be moving me forward to close different chapters of my life and moving on to start afresh in a new book.

Love. Family. Career. Everything is starting on a blank sheet.

On a sidenote. It seems that there is less and less things to keep me grounded in one place. The people that truly matters to me over the past 3 decades are getting less and less. No love to keep me here. Family is getting simpler. Only one major consideration. My mum. I am starting afresh on the career front. The decision to switch career also stems from the fact that I think some relevant experiences will help increase my mobility in terms of skills set. Put it simply, if there comes a day when I am in the position to seriously consider working somewhere else and need a job to feed myself. I hope these experiences can help me get there.

ok, the tired brain needs to sleep now. 


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