Actually, I am not ready to talk about it yet, at least not in details. Just want to jot down my thoughts and feelings for now.
Was feeling really bad the whole of yesterday. Met P over coffee to get it off my chest yestersday.
1. I should not be too trusting of people even if I have known them for a few years.
2. I was too gullible and DUMB.
It’s one of those incident that makes you realise that you have grown too arrogance for your own good, that you are not as capable of taking good care of yourself as you thought,and not as deft at handling unexpected situation as you thought, (actually, in this case, I should have expected it if I have been more vilgant or exercise more cow sense), that bad things can still happens to you even as you feel a false sense of security, that it is not such a good idea to give everyone the benefit of doubt, not at the expense of getting hurt yourself. Learn to say NO before danger, not at the tip of danger.
It’s also one of those incident that you walked out of it, a wiser person after receiving a hard knock, where things could have gotten really much worse and you are so relieved that it did not, and you are ever so thankful for that, and you promised yourself to learn a grave and important lesson never to put yourself in such a situation ever again…till the next time lesson of course.
And of course, the reproach that you subject yourself to on the aftermath. The accusations of stupidity and gullibility. Or just plain dumb and stupid. You can’t believe how incredibily dumb and stupid you were. The refrain just keeps going over and over in your head and you still can’t quite believe it.
The whole chain of events just seem to lead from one thing to another and you are not quite sure how you let yourself arrive in such a precarious situation. But, you are well aware that at any one point if you choose to put your foot down, you could have avoid this situation. You are hoping that at any time, you will wake up and it will just be a bad dream that you can leave behind.
I guess it an important lesson that I need to learn. And it is a good thing that I did not come to any harm. It is also a good thing that this happens before my trip to San Diego to serve as a reminder for me to be more careful.
Now, if only the images in my mind will go away and the refrains of self accusations will cease. I just need time to get over it emotionally, I guess.
posted @ 6:46 PM