The meaningless of it all

6 months in a corporate job and I find that I barely remember what having a life means.

It is not even some high flying job. Just a job with multiple responsibilities and vulgarities of life in a corporate environment piling up.

Vulgarities in multiples form. Taking kickass shit from being the new kid on the block. Picking up the phone and getting veiled threats by my customers’ barbaric staff to make concession for their pushy request or else they take their business elsewhere. Being yelled at by their secretaries who need me to proof read every word that they type and who deemed it my fault for not telling them that 17 days is not 1 month. Putting up with the clerk whom I dubbed “The Phantom”. And being on the receiving end of corporate tai-chi. Being micro managed.

It is not that I dislike the job extremely. I find my role interesting. However, due to the system or the absence of proper system, I am spending 80% of my time boggling with day to day shit which be of only 20% in its importance. The 80% vital and crucial role that I should be focusing on are left piling.

Frustrated is an understatement. Last that I checked my job description does not state being a clerk. Everyday,  I am a clerk, a despatch, a hotline officer, a helpdesk of all sorts. I am like the gal friday rushing dizzily all over office. I do not know whether to find it comforting or hopeless that the few new people I talked to feel the same way. But the older batch of people are all left untouched with a distinct taint of mild detachment and amusement. One in particular. After hours of this at 6pm when the phone finally stopped ringing, I find myself too disoriented to be feeling analytically competent to look at my reports. But, I do it. And all I want to do at the end of everyday is to go home web the surf and look forward to sleeping. From Monday to Friday, all I do is look forward to sleeping late on Saturday. 

After 6 months of these, I am questioning the meaning of it all. Other than the fact that I need money to feed myself and so obviously I need a job. Why am I living my life this way? The realisation strikes that I never knew the true meaning of having a black monday or the constraints in a corporate environment for last years.

Still, I need to hang on cos I need to build up my resume and experience.

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