Self reminder

Do not be greedy. Learn to be contented and thankful for what I have now.

Frankly, life is pretty good right now.

I eat well, sleep well and laugh often. I do not get angry and stressed as easily.

I am seeing and enjoying the little things that brings blissfulness and peace in daily life.

Birds singing outside my window, a good cup of tea/coffee, my favourite hawker fare, simple home cooked meal, korean shows, enjoying the landscapes as I move around our little island, reading and music on the go. These little moments add on to my general sense of well being.

But, there are also moments of sudden anxiety when I think about work. Beside the constant worry about income, I need to make new friends, people that I can connect and trust at work. I miss the friendships at work…people that I rave and laugh with, a foundation of relationships with differing degree of trust and mutual dependency built from years of working together.

This industry is really competitive. Behind the smiling facade and bright camaraderie, are a brunch of people driven by monetary gains and fears, who see your gain as their loss, who is constantly fishing for your inputs to use it to their advantages while evaluating on your usefulness to their goals. It’s “Dog eats Dog” out here, no questions asked.

It is rather lonely at work and rather exhausting to have to guard against hypocrisy all the times. When I mentioned this to T the other day, he wryly commented, “It’s the nature of the industry. Soon, you will also be like that, cos you have to survive too. In fact, right now, you are already holding and masking your dislike of their hypocrisy cos you need to survive. That, by itself, is already a demonstration of hypocrisy too.” Well, he is right and like he said, I have to survive too. The way I am handling it right now, is to stay detached without being outright distanced.

But, I do need to build my own network if I want to survive long term. That means opening up enough and still be mindful of the need to be on constant vigilant. In order to do that, I cannot afford to be too negative about these people or I will be miserable. Of course, some of them are also nice people but over here, personal interests come first. I have to learn to adapt between circumstance where I have to take a step back and give in, and where I have to take a firm stance. The way to handle these people is always to remember that in order to gain something from them, I must be prepare to give something. I have to be clear about what I can give/cannot give in any dealings with them.

Bad culture aside, I am starting to enjoy the work more and more. I do enjoy working with the clients and the freedom this career offers. It is meaningful and satisfying too.

I just have to learn to let things pass without being too harsh or beat myself up. Learn from each experience. Expect to take shit but lighten up and take everything with a pinch of salt. Fall down and always get up again. Rest if I need to. And to enjoy what I do.

I have to be strong in my heart and have a good balance in my personal life to maintain a healthy mindset. Always hold tight to my core values. Remember, work is just a part of life. The reason for doing this is to earn more, give myself freedom of choice, to enjoy my work and more importantly, to afford time to enjoy a healthy life.

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